Senators Warned of Upcoming Terror Attack on U.S. Soil

Someone care to explain what the fuck this ambiguous-as-hell statement means?

At Tuesday’s hearing, Senator Dianne Feinstein, Democrat of California and chairwoman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, asked Mr. Blair to assess the possibility of an attempted attack in the United States in the next three to six months.

He replied, “The priority is certain, I would say” — a response that was reaffirmed by the top officials of the C.I.A. and the F.B.I.

The bureaucrats working in our government are all hoping to keep making millions off of the ostensible threat of terrorism. These people do not care about stopping any actual terrorist threats, but instead are enjoying the budgetary renaissance they are seeing as a result of 9/11. This is all about self preservation – the more these people can sell a perceived threat, the more they can continue to reap the benefits of such threats.

Bottom line – the ambiguity is all about ensuring budgets remain at least the same as last year, with the hope of selling more potential attacks as a precursor to increased budgets.

TechMiso Launches


TechMiso, a joint blogging venture between close friend Rich and myself, just launched on New Years Day Tokyo time. The obvious focus is information technology but we are not only going to be writing about your average, every day topics. One of our more important goals is to zone in on the government and it’s use and misuse of technology.

Head over and read the first couple articles and let us know what you think. If you have any ideas for content then by all means, fire away!

Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch

It would appear that the cereal Gods have finally answered a prayer that many of us have been awaiting an answer on for years. All of us who were curious who the moron in the Napoleon suit is, who everyone calls Cap’n Crunch, can now rest at ease.

Thy answer hath arrived!

According to Megnut, the Capn’s real name is Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch. He almost sounds as if he is somewhat British, which almost makes me now want to eat the damn things any longer, if it were not for the fact that Cap’n Crunch with Crunch Berries simply fscking 0wns the cereal world.

Anyhow, go grab you a bowl and revel in the newfound knowledge that you are, more than likely, eating the seed of Horatio Magellan. Isn’t that a pretty picture?

Woman Given “Penis Cream Treatment”

In what has to be one of the funniest stories that I have read in ages, a Syrian-born airline pilot stands accused of tricking a school teacher into having sex with him by pretending he had to administer ointment on the end of his penis.

“He (Sbano) suggested he would apply the cream to his penis and apply it inside her.

Mr Rees said the woman found the sessions “Clinical, not at all erotic”. She consented only because she believed it was a proper treatment.

“When the insertions took place, and depending on the instructions of his friend, he would thrust slowly or quickly for anything from one to ten minutes,”

You read that correctly; this lady allowed a guy to put cold cream on the tip of his cock and thrust said cock in to her dry-as-a-loaf-of-bread vagina, all for the sake of applying medicine insider her. How in the hell does any female allow a male to insert his penis inside you for the sake of a clinical treatment is simply beyond comprehension. Apparently she missed training the day that females were taught such common sense.

For his part in this Jay Leno monologue, Sbano claims the woman invented the entire story about the “treatment.”

One thought that comes to mind, other than the obvious idea that this woman is a complete fucking moron, is this: did Sbano ejaculate inside her after his one to ten minutes of slow or quick thrusting? If he did, that brings with it so many additional questions that I think it might be better to just leave this wacky ass story alone right here.

Missing Pants: $65 Million Please

Some asshat lawyer-cum-judge is suing a DC area dry cleaner for $65 million (via) because they lost a pair of his pants that he brought in for alternations. Roy Pearson, an administrative law judge for the District of Columbia, believes that he should be awarded $65 million for the loss of a pair of $150 pants in order to cover his litigation costs, for “mental suffering, inconvenience and discomfort,” for the value of the time he has spent on the lawsuit, for leasing a car every weekend for 10 years and for a replacement suit, according to the court papers that he has filed.

Pearson’s first letter to the Chungs sought $1,150 so he could buy a new suit. Two lawyers and many legal bills later, the Chungs offered Pearson $3,000, then $4,600 and, finally, says their attorney, Chris Manning, $12,000 to settle the case.

But Pearson pushes on. How does he get to $65 million? The District’s consumer protection law provides for damages of $1,500 per violation per day. Pearson started multiplying: 12 violations over 1,200 days, times three defendants. A pant leg here, a pant leg there, and soon, you’re talking $65 million.

This Pearson character is a pure, unadulterated asshat extraordinaire. The entire law profession is already looked down upon by the majority of the public, mainly because the lot of them are a bunch of snakes and spiders, willing to jump on anything in order to make a buck. But $65 million for a lost pair of $150 pants?

I know, everyone is thinking, well that old hag that spilled $2.50 McDonald’s coffee in her lap ended up receiving $640,000 after the judge reduced the award from $2.9 million, so why should this guy be left out? Plain and simple: at the very least, the old lady got hurt in the process, even if by her own accord. What happened to this asshat attorney-cum-judge? Nothing!

Cases like this are rarely dismissed with prejudice even though they should be. The presiding judge should smack Pearson back down to reality, because this guy has the mistaken belief that the legal system should be abused for profit. America really needs to see some tort reform; if this is not an obvious indicator of such a need then I am not sure what is.

Open Letter to Japanese Porn Directors

Dear Japanese Porn Directors,

I would like to thank you for the many mosaic filled, tissue-wasted artistic experiences that you talented individuals create. If it were not for the movies you create I would have never lost so many potential future children nor would I have ever been exposed to some of the strangest, and most bizarre, sexual fetishes that the world has to offer. Keep creating the brilliant entertainment that you are so obviously well qualified to direct.

With that out of the way, I do believe that there is one area of the Japanese porn underworld that is in particular need of assistance, or even dare I say improvement. It is because of my profound love of your artistic endeavors I offer the following feedback.

I am not so sure if you understand this but viewing porn is an extremely enjoyable experience when the so-called “actors” and “actresses” performing in the movie appear to be enjoying themselves. Who-or-what-ever leads you to believe that the porn-watching public at-large drops larger loads of tissue babies when watching women who are being beaten, taken advantage of, or are attempting to escape some would-be “attacker” only to suddenly “give-up” and decide to perform fellatio on said “attacker” has been sadly mistaken.

The average person, either male or female, finds absolutely nothing even remotely erotic about watching a woman in what appears to be true horror, shock and pain, all while supposedly having sexual intercourse on her own accord. Nothing. Not for your standard, run-of-the-mill salary man. Not even your every day Japanese porn connoisseur, who professes a peculiar love for those girls who slide slimy little eels inside a variety of their, and others’, orifices.

Granted, there is a certain group of people that are in to the whole “rape scene.” Those types of people are far and few between. There is already a segment of the Japanese porn business that caters to such horrific tastes, just like there is a Japanese “film company” that films black and white labrador retrievers pounding innocent animal loving Japanese females. In fact, there is even a small group of people who simple adore those wacky train rape movies, where “Yokohama desu, Yokohama” can be overheard on the train’s speaker system.

It is understood that these are fetishes and therefore are catered to a particular market. Fetish movies are generally abnormal and not all that “fun” to watch for your average porn watcher. The majority of those who consume porn are what is considered “your average porn watcher” otherwise known as your audience; if your audience in not “in” to a particular “thing” then just move on to something better.

Contrast the peculiar sexual antics in fetish movies with “mainstream” Japanese porn. The mainstream flicks contain your average, run of the mill type sexual situations that follow standard Japanese formulaic situational scripts. A girl, or multiple girls, engage(s) in sexual intercourse with one or more men. Throughout the course of the sexual encounter the female is heard making a number of sounds, rarely which can be construed as sensual. In many cases the supposed ecstasy filled screams become annoying because they are either too loud, being obviously made because the “actress” is “acting” or a combination of both. In most cases it is blatantly obvious that the female is not enjoying herself, and would much prefer to have her lips wrapped around a straw while sipping on an ice cold Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino rather than engulfing some warm, hard uncut Japanese cock that will eventually spill love milk across her cheeks.

Watching girls that do not appear to be enjoying the pleasure banana peeling them from the inside out is just not all that enjoyable. At all. Ever. Got it?

What us true Japanese porn connoisseurs would much rather watch is a sensual Japanese idol writhing in ecstasy, totally oblivious to anything outside the “sexual zone” that in consuming her, all the while completely enjoying the fact that she is engaging in some of the most animalistic behavior that humans enjoy. We want to see a woman who enjoys sucking that tube steak sandwich before it erupts like Mt. Vesuvius on her forehead.

We Japanese porn connoisseurs want to watch women that are having fun performing all these kinky sexual acts, who love their job and love to act out erotic scenes on camera, who are truly willing participants in the sexual antics being displayed on the screen. It makes the fantasy that much more pleasurable and believable. Your audience is most probably jerking one out so at least help make their hidden pleasures worthwhile.

I am definitely not asking you to aim for realism, because real sex, the type that goes on in your parents bedroom, is pretty damn boring. At least make an attempt to add some exuberance to the situations.

It is so much more delightful to watch a woman who wants to please her on-screen partner, who is a trooper and is a willing participate in any erotic games that shall be played on screen, who is not afraid of embracing her sexuality in front of a camera, who has no problems exposing her inner-most and darkest desires to the world, who has no problems writhing in ecstasy after an exploding orgasm, all captured on camera for the whole world to see.

What us Japanese porn connoisseurs demand is Japanese porn where the women involved are enjoying themselves. We long to see women that love their job, not women who appear to be coerced in to sucking cock or taking one in the ass just so the industry can make a quick buck. Not that we do not mind either, just that we want to watch chicks that genuinely dig sausage in their tight little ass.

Like I said earlier, I sincerely love and adore your delightful masterpieces, even if they are slightly flawed. However, with the right feedback from the right people I genuinely believe you will be able to make cult classics that will be watched by the world over.

Thank you for your time and understanding. I look forward to hearing back from you, should you have further questions that need clarification.

Best Regards,


Stay Tuned

I have finally decided on what to post here. The updated tag line, assuming that it displays properly, should be somewhat of an indication as to the direction I have opted to take with this blog. Stay tuned as starting this week things are going to change …